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When a child senses that love is conditional—earned through being smart, attractive, athletic, or helpful—they may cling to that trait as their identity. Gabor Maté calls this the false self—a survival strategy that protects attachment at the cost of authenticity. Over time, this creates anxiety, perfectionism, and disconnection from the true self. Healing begins by gently noticing the parts of you that perform for love, and turning toward the parts that feel unworthy with compassion. You are no
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